| my diffident.self |
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name- does it matter.honestly?
year- 29091986 location- land of broken hearts. & shattered souls music- punk rock.hardcore.emo.metalcore. emocore.pop.jazz.oldies like Ritchie Valens contact- emokills187@hotmail.com screenname- emokills even as the world sharpens beneath me i'll just pretend & smile.but it doesn't matter cuz i won't been missed i'll just leave a letter" |
| setting my wings.ablaze |
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Friday, January 12 i just got home from going out alone.yes alone.now how long has it been since the last time i went out alone?sheesh.pretty long ago.well the motive of me going out today was to give roy the money for the gig tixx.su was there.but he went for jamming after i gave roy the cash.i told him i was going home.didn't wana seem like some emo kid if i told him i was going to singapore river alone.i took the train.so many times my eyes teared up.i was ready to cry.but i kept on holding back.thats the toughest thing.trying to hold back your tears.i mean rather then peopl looking at you cry in the train.but i cant say tears didn't run down my cheeks.as i reached singapore river nobody was there.as it was still drizzling.tot of sitting where we usually sit but it was still very wet.so i decided to sit under the cover of uob.as i sat there i looked over to my right.behind the pillar.where we used to sit.hangout & sometimes make out.haha.those were fun times.i looked at the beautiful scenery.which i wouldnt have known if not for her.it was nice.the cool breeze.the wet floor shimmering the lights from the lamp posts.the river sparkling like crystals bouncing off the lights from the shop houses.its was almost perfect.it would have been if she was there.i sat there.sms-ing her.listenin to my music.listening to these few tracks only, to be exact.thinking of the past.thinking of her.again trying & trying to hold back all the tears that came.so many times i cried.sitting there alone.watching.remembering.but time came by faster then usual.it was 10:17 so i tot id make a move.but then it started to rain again.luckily i had my cap on.the one she would always wash for me.so i walked in the rain.as i passed by i looked across the river.to the place where we sat & where i first asked her to be mine.it was closed.under renovation.i gez that place reflects us.its in change.so are we.saw a old couple crossing the cavenaugh bridge.he held her tight around his arms while sheltering her with an umbrella.i immediately smiled.wishing that wud be us one day.then as i walked by fullerton hotel.dreams of us being there pass by me.photos that we took there.the photo of her by the fountain.looking at people dinning there.my hands reached out.touching the walls of the fullerton imagining it was her as i walked by.the rain made it smooth.like her skin.i cried even more.i got to the traffic junction.i turned and gazed into the lights of the beautiful building.telling myself how much i miss you.how much i miss her.then i looked into the lights of the cars.they were so bright.then i noticed how bright the lights of fullerton were.its amazing how the lights look like when its raining.you can really see it glow.so brightly.even in the darkest night you wouldnt see it this bright.the rain was wonderful.walking in it i noticed i was the only one walking in the rain without an umbrella.as i watched couples share an umbrella, hugging each other keeping each other warm & cosy.i wish i had that.i wished i was with her.the walk on the bridge seemed neverending.but i was distracted by the beautiful lights that the esplanade & the river was emitting.even the construction sites gave out a lovely glow.i walked all the way to the bus stop behind esplanade where i took 56.while i was walkin inside espl i noticed this is the first time i didn't bother about my surroundings.ive always took out my right earpiece while walking to be more aware & cautious of my surroundings.but this time i had both on throughout the entire day that i was by myself.amazing.i liked it.walking home,well walking today i felt like a zombie.so resltless.so..emotionless.like im dragging myself.endlessly.ive never been this sad before.i guess cuz ive never been dumped before.& ive never cried this much before.i guess cuz ive never lost someone i love this much before.... |
| my vestige.journey |
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| scar.your words |
| dreaming.a reality |
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les paul guitar |
