| my diffident.self |
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name- does it matter.honestly?
year- 29091986 location- land of broken hearts. & shattered souls music- punk rock.hardcore.emo.metalcore. emocore.pop.jazz.oldies like Ritchie Valens contact- emokills187@hotmail.com screenname- emokills even as the world sharpens beneath me i'll just pretend & smile.but it doesn't matter cuz i won't been missed i'll just leave a letter" |
| setting my wings.ablaze |
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Monday, January 31 let this night burn my eye with sorrow.
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Tuesday, January 25 wow.its only been like wat?11,12 days ive nt written n it seems like a month.hot diggy de damn.haha.always wanted 2 say dat.im so bored.bt stay home also gd lah since im like so broke ryte now.haha.went 4 drama yez.ok lah.fun lah.been listening alot of hardcore nowadays.alota metalocore.damn.i so wanna do a side band where i can scream.haha.winz was like ok.nak dee main drum eh?hmm.hope she can.well is is gone.he went last sunday.i went out with him on thursday.last time spendin time with him.tot the rest wud join.but in the end never.haiya.nevermind lah.i dun mind.i understand.n i dun hold grudges.but dat doznt mean i 4get.haha.well dats me.4give but ill tend 2 remember it.bt no grudges hold though.im watchin this stupid show called brace face.haha.i am like so american college ryte now.like so WATEVA!!haha.dats so gay.haha.well i cant wait 2 go 2 the gig at RP.im goin wit jo.wow.met her at friendster.shes nice.we actually met b4.haha.well nt met.she saw me.i saw her.but we wernt sure it was each other.haha.n me being the stupid shy kid dat i was i din smile.haha.stupid.well it was her.cant wait 2 go.no.nt cuz of her.cuz alota gd band playing.oh n also dat 1 buck goes the the tsunami victims.yeay.im having fun n doing my part.haha.i kill myself.haha.i took that line from the stupid little brown alien called elf.haha.ol skool siak ceriter 2.welli think im goin 2 go listen more 2 hardcore stuff.damn im in love with underoath n avenged sevenfold.
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Sunday, January 16 wahahha.damn the government.i hate it.hate them.y me.ydamn them.shud have beenn an anit-political punk.hhaahah.well drama 4 the orientation was gd.it was a blast.will miss them.will miss the old drama days.cca rdshow was gd 2..ii gt 2 put eye liner n lipstick.black.step avneged svenfold sikit arz.haha.perasan.jammin was good just now but a lil cock ups here n there.but i love screaming.but there was nothin 2 love bout when julz lost her hp.well gt robbed more like it.ass hole guy.broad daylight.dat motherfucker.i curse that jerk wud diie a slooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,painful n hurtful death.n dat hell gt resurrected with no arms n just 1 leg.ass hole faggott.mmade me babay cry.it was so sad.but man she looked so cute crying.shes such a cry babay.but i still love her.cry baby or not. |
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Wednesday, January 12 im goin 2 work later.took off last sunday 2 go 2 a gig at substation.it was rad.but in the middle of it sucked cuz they were playing ska,reggae n skinhead songs.went with slim.haha.she lost her glasses when sum1 staged dived n while moshing.she so din wanna b part of it.saw alota frends there.sum i din expect 2 see even.saw zul.dat shit head was there trying 2 experience sumting new.haha.he lked so dumb.felt like shouting n pointing 2 him "this boys in2 techno n roxy!hes a fag!".haha.cruel.wud have laughed watchin zul being beat up 2 smitherins.i sin.listening 2 three cheers 4 sweet revenge since early mornin.gerards face n voice reminds me of the guy from the white stripes.they lk so similar.n they sound similar 2.alota gd bands played.it was cool 2 see the unity of the skinheads.so 2gether.like a gay teacher with his pet student.emberassing 2 see a punk grinding,skangking 2 the beats of reggea.shit heads.dun now wat those motherfuckers r doin wearing misfits or exploited jackets.Never2Late was oh so sweet.haiz.so pretty she was.n a gd voice 2 she had.chicks in 2 bands.so turn me on.haha.must admit Generation 69 was awesome.they played like they were on radio.so flawless.with all them skinheads moshing around while they were playing.Rancour livend up all those little shit heads punks that were underaged n acted like they wer drunk 2 go crazy.stupid faggs.but the band was good.Main highlight 4 me was Dyna Turmoil.they reek of evilness.i moshed.gt injured.camera in 1 hand n md in other.was more afraid 4 them then my own life.responsibilty 2 things that arent yurs.but they were sick.every1 of them.they played with such gracing brutality.thats an oxymoron.i hate myself.wens it gonna be my turn 2 b up there.when.i wanna kill 2.patience is having its toll on me.went 2 court yez.it was more serious that i imagined it wud b.the judged fortold my destiny.it wasnt mine 2 choose.well.im 200 $ richer now.an onion a day keeps the vampires at bay. |
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Tuesday, January 4 just when u tot dat life sucked n dat it cudnt get any worse.reality smacks u in the face n already ur sucky life is even more suckier than ever.now my lifes been even more fucked up.y?y doz bad things happen 2 those who already have even more bad lives.mom just came back home from the hospital.afta 3 to 4 hours of observation.from raffles hospital 2 tan tock seng.its the first time i experienced sumting scary like this.she cud have gotten a stroke the doctor said.wat if she did?while on my way 2 the hospital i tot of dat.wat if shes gone?wat wud i do?where wud i b?i admit i hate her.she made my life a living hell but she did raise 10yrs of my life by herself.but dat doznt mean im heartless.i just have an empty one.dats all.her blood pressure din go down as fast as it did in the past.this time it was dead serious.my heart squeezed in pain when i saw her on that bed in raffles.cold.shivering.she even had trouble speaking.i pitied her.my heart bled.i held her hand.4 the very first time in a long.long while i held her hand as she squeezed mine.she teared up.i noe dat she was thinking bout me.my future.wat wud happen 2 me if anything happened 2 her.i noe.i cud see it thru her eyes.i promised myself.il try not 2 make her upset.il wash the dishes.il clean up my bed.this tme no empty promises.no empty words.lucky she nds not 2 stay in the ward.waiitng at tts 4 3 hours or so.not noein wats goin on inide as they only allowed 1 family member 2 go in.i waited outside.impatiently.curious.scared.it sucks not noeing.but i feel more at ease now that shes at home.n i love julz 4 stickin up wit me all the while.thanxx 4 being there.even when i was a jerk.just when i tot life cud get better.shit ALWAYS happens.my cursed life. |
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Saturday, January 1 i read a book once.bout a life of a boy.he wasnt normal.he had parents that were divorced.a step dad that was trying 2 replace his dad.he almost 4got he had siblings.his mom beated him.made him cry.made him bled.made him suffer his existence.he had frenz but none were true.none that would really live up 2 the real meaning of friendship.he was also not those popular guys.well not even known in skool or anywhere else.he din have looks.he hated his own reflection when he looked in2 the mirror.he had no life.n he wished he din.he had a pathetic childhood where there was no fun n games.no toys.he wud get locked at home frequently n cudnt even go out n play.he even tried 2 commit suicide once.but he was lucky enuf 2 have met the girl of his dreams.but shes 2 humble.or 2 blind 2 see.how beautiful she is.she doznt noe dat shes 2 good 2 be true cuz shes 2 busy being negative bout herself.shes blinded by her own beauty n grace.but disadvantages comes with beauty.he has 2 put up wit ppl adoring her.even worshiping her while hes there beside her.hes living in her shadows.cuz shes 2 good 4 him.betta.above him.she doznt noe.he does.ppl crave 4 her.ppl fantasize her.but he cant do anything cuz hes 2 nice.hes 2 chicken.has been.always will his entire life.she thinks ppl r being xtra nice 2 her.but he noes their real motive.shes being 2 nice 2 them.they question that.but he noes well.nothing is perfect.except 4 nothingness.thats perfection.if he had collected the tears he had shed over those past years he cud have showered a rain of tears.every day n night passes as he tells himself that life has no meaning.it was a long story.about an eighteen year old boy.whose life was unsignificant.there was no end 2 that book.the pages ran out n died.the author didnt finish the book.he din have 2.destiny wud have done it 4 him.i cried reading that book.as i wiped my tears dry.i closed the book.there it wrote....my life. |
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| my vestige.journey |
| scar.your words |
| dreaming.a reality |
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les paul guitar |
