Thursday, November 24 am i a phsyco?is it wrong to talk to yourself.is it wrong to pull out your own hair everyday?is it wrong that the only way to relieve yourself is by hurting yourself?is it wrong to beat your own head?is it wrong to hold back anger & depression?& use it on yourself?i gez i dun wanna be like my mom.im already a ticking time bomb that has its occasional blow ups.i dun want to end up like her & have the big bang.i dun wanna suffer from high blood pressure & have to eat pills.but its hard.i have a problem.& i know that.but its hard to control it when everyday ppl look down on you.take advantage of you.doesn't let you "in".expect certain things that ppl wont do for you juz because your willing to do it for them.it hurts.i gez we cant expect to be treated the same as we treat others in life.i remember once i needed coins to go to a public toilet.so i asked my mom for coins & she told me to take it out from her wallet.i specifically remember giving it back to her.& she lost her wallet when we got back home.i could say that she would wanna disown me.In fact it was under her bed when she dropped her bag.i was so angry at her for blaming me & scolding me.but at the same time i felt bad that all her money,cards,ic,contacts & stuff was gonna be gone forever.but i knew i din do anything wrong.but still i had hell to pay for something i did not committ.& she din even say sorry.how pathetic can a guy be huh?well i gez you havent met me. ||my heart.bled||12:43 AM

Monday, November 21 damn.skool re-opens again later.saw my time table on the net.very good.i like.on friday i only have an hour & a half of lesson.hahaha.& i only end at 6 on thurs.the rest 4 ke 5.well im stil up.juz finished watchin VH1 BIG ON 04.before that channel 5 aired micheal jacksons moonwalker.hahaha.how ol skool is that.hmm.what a way to prepare 4 the first day of skool.with no slp at all!!hahahaha.ooh.scare tactics now.sick.on my way to more tv now.haha.SKOOL SUXX!!!! ||my heart.bled||4:28 AM

Thursday, November 17 depressed?feel like crying all the time?thoughts of suicidal tendencies?lethargic?need help? yes please.i need hope.i need faith.in the movie daredevil, the priest told matt murdoc that a man without fear has no faith.i wish i could go in that tv set & pull him by his white collared suit & scream in his face "THATS SO FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU WHITE HAIRED PIECE OF NONSENSICLE LARD!!!" & continue eating my chips.i have fear.fucking loads of it.do i have faith?no.hope?dun bother asking.i have fears.but why dont i feel as lithe as a birds bone.or even a boner.......do birds have a boner??wait a minute.what am i tallking about.of course they do.then how the hell do the guy birds get it on with the girly birds & have eggs for us to eat?ryte?yeah.ryte. whats the point?im in your room.is this turning you on?am i turning you on? oops.rantings of lyrics from taking back sundays' great romance of the 20th century there. i cant help myself.who will? its always mothers teaching.look out for yourself im a liar.telling myself half as much as lies i tell mom & dad im sorry.for a second.i take that back so for a moment ill see that look on your face that look on your face ill never be a leader.& ill never be a follower but ill follow you if you ask me to im no martyr.im no scientist or even a phsyciatrist dun make me comprehend dun make me set stepping stones on your pathway the way my decisions were made is the way id like yours to be its not worth sharpening that old rusty knife gentle flowers are not meant but ill never live up to you expectations i never lived in difference sets us apart from everyone else just like you.and me.and them you.me.them. i dont know what the fuck that is i juz wrote.but what the hell.its my rantings.its me. bang!bang!bang! ||my heart.bled||1:45 AM

Monday, November 14 im very much in love & im not ashame to show or say it thank you =) sky high im on top of the world with my angel she would do anything for me.i know look at those to die for dimples & luscious lips i swear she belongs with the looney toons.lol content perfect id love her to arrest me in handcuffs.PLEASE.lol ok.maybe she's the mother of looney toons.hahaha ||my heart.bled||11:37 PM

Sunday, November 13 im watchin wrestling now.my poor baby's tired.she had a long day of werkin then visiting with her mom.all i did today was go to kak sanis' open house cum belated birthday celebration for ira,met julz during her tea break & went home.bummer.what a waste for a sat.keeping my fingers cross for the 26th.hopefully the ite mp gang can make it 4 raya.*crossing my fingers*.oh & i watched this cool show.Frequency.its full of suspense & also has those mushy heartwarming poignant parts that wud put 7th Heaven to shame.hurhur.its this kewl movie where this guy,Johnny has this ol radio that his dad had kept.He decided to turn it on coincidently ene day before the anniversary of his father's death, in the midst of sky storm called the aurora borealis & sumhow he cud talk to his dad on the other side which is in the past.weird huh?since Johnny's in the future he helps his dad cheat his way out of death,whereby his dad was suppose to die in this explosion being a fireman and all.& things start to change.& thats not even the kewlest part.Johnny is a cop & he's been werking on this case bout this murderer who killed 3 nurses & was never caught.but sumhow because of the past the future was changed.now 10 nurses had been killed including Johnnys' mom.*gasp*!!!so Johnny instructs his dad on where & when the victims wud be killed so that he can distract the girls & avoid getting killed.suckier thing is that they find out that the murderer is a cop.bummer huh?& shit happens along the way juz like any other movie but in the end they get that bastard & Johnnys dad is still alive & all is sweet & korny like the 40s hahah.well its a kewl movie & i wundnt mind watching it again. this is last year raya.i like this pict.touching seh belakang tangga.hahaha i just like this.her =) ||my heart.bled||1:48 AM

Saturday, November 12 arrghhh!!!i juz got back from a very "climatic" day.hurhur.went out with julz & it was fun filled with so much emotion.let me say that again with more passion. EEEEEMMOORRRRRTTTHHHEEEOOONNN!!!!!hahaha.julz brought me to the suntec summit tour which isnt exactly a tour.its juz an hour of you going up to the rooftop of suntec tower 4 & ''vualah''!!!!magical.very aww inspiring & speechless.super uber sweet of her.it was sick dude!!we could see the WHHOLLEEEE of our beloved lion city & even abit of m'sai & indonesia.aint that grand?we took picts like cam whores & cudnt shut up.haha.we were lucky the "tour guide" brought her frend up cuz she wud hav been bored & wud have wanted us to leave earlier.so we got like an extra 15 minutes grace.thank you grumpy ol moody auntie!!haha.it felt great.to feel like your at the top of the world with the person who makes you fly even higher.thannxy my muackens!!my new pet nickname for julz.oh & speaking of pets julz got 2 real life bunny bears frm toys 'r' us.she only wanted the brown one.so i sneackingly went to pay for the white one when she told me to put it back.she said it reminded her of "putih" her ol pet rabbit that died.alas my efforts failed when she caught me red handed but she gave in.i know this sounds weird & all but i cudnt let him go.i felt a bond between the two bunnies.he looked so sad when julz was still deciding if she shud get the white one or not.& he looked happier when i was gonna pay for him.i know this sounds really weird but theres sumthing bout those bunnies that made my heart sank when i looked at them.as if they were callin out to us.i really felt a bond.haha.i think im goin kookoo.haha.oh & what a small werld it is when we say taufik!!as in taufik batisah dok!!bukan batista tau.tu wrestler.haha.he was very cool & dressed simply.julz wantd to take a pict with him to make ima jealous but gez he was in a rush to meet sumone or sumthing.we cudnt catch up with him.bummer.there was also this event at the suntec convention center & sum of the roads were blocked because of that.it was a meeting & an investiture of some sort.security was heavy as death metal meets metalcore man.haha.julz was so kuit when the bustop that we were gonna take the bus at was closed & she had this pathetic face on when she asked one of the road marshals or sumtng if busses were still going by the road.she had this adorbale to die for face when the marshall said that the road was indeed closed & a pathetic "how come ah??" came out frm her loud mouth.& when were walking away frm her the auntie marshall said "oh got meeting ah".haha.it was funny cuz she wasnt suppose to have heard what julz said & it was meant to be a sarcastic slap.haha.julz is bizzare!!haha.oh & i finaly got to satisfy my cravings of those black pepper/honey glazed chicken thing-a-megic.after scrounging multiple ntucs' & cold storanges' we finlay found a halal one at those quick bites counter thingies at care'four.it was delectable.we sat & ate like pigs.haha.ok2.like kings & queens sitting at singapore river.been such a long time since weve been there.the tide was high so its very much worth it.it think its been like what?2 months since weve been there.unforgetable day i must say. I WAS AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD!!!!!! my swan princess flew me to the heavenly sky with her angel wings ||my heart.bled||1:20 AM

Thursday, November 10 IM STILL UP..RA!! RA!! RA!! BUSH!! BUSH!! BUSH!! SO HOW LIKE THAT??!! a long time ago....before The Beatles were famous.their original line up consisted of a fallen fifth member, Zackery Uberstein, that decided "pshycedelic-mop-like-hairs" were soon to be a thing of the past.so he decided to quit his day time job, giving up all the fame & fortune that promises him in the history engraving iconic rock & rollers.leaving behind the bangs for something else different he changed his name to zan.so he could lead a life of that of an ordinary person unknowingly to the world who he once was. blah.lol multiply by 589.hahaha.juz bored.i wonder if i can get away being an "indie-kid" with that photo.lol ||my heart.bled||4:56 AM

Tuesday, November 8 listenin to dipshit by rufio!!!haha ol skool man.one of the more "chimer" punk rock bands i started listenin too.haha still remeber listenin to those pop punk bands when i first started listening to punk rock like new found glory,mest,mxpx,nofx,the ataris,the used,BLINK 182,TSUNAMI BOMB!!!too bad tsunami bomb broke up though.but those were the times.kinda miss listening to it.i feel like retouching myself with the ol emocore & punk rock music that i so loved listening too again.which i still do.been so busy listening to so many new bands that pop up everyday which gets better then the previous ones.i miss ol skool!!!hahahah.i still remember when i first bought rufios "perhaps, i suppose..." cd which cost me a whopping 35 i think, at HMV.took the train towards marina at city hall so i cud bounce back.haha.opening the wrapper was so frustrating cuz i wanted to open it carefully yet at the same time i felt like a boy being given a new toy.hahah.& when i placed the disc in my discman (ol skool seh discman!!hahah) it was heaven.as i pressed play my heart skipped beats (not A beat but beats!!!hahaha) & as the slow increasing volume which wud lead to the most kewlest song, which is still THE MOST kewlest song to me wud fill my ear with loud energetic uber goosebumpy powers of undescribable proportions!!!!!!*jat jat jat jet jat*jat jat jat jet jat!!!ABOVE ME!!!!hahaha.another werds.it was & still is a sick wicked cd!!!i cudnt help but smile to myself in the train.i din care what ppl around me were thinking.it was rad!!!kept repeating above me & still &....alah the whole cd lah.hahaha.well im kinda tired.gt home frm lepaking with julz at sengkang.julz treat me!!!weeeee.hehe.tanxxy2 sweetie2.julz OKB!!!orang kaya babi!!!haha.cheep the kane!!!!hahaha.bodoh nyer jutawan fakir oh & i realised how improper use of english & singlish my entry is today.but what the heck. CHEEP THE KANE YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!!!!!BANG BANG BANG.... ||my heart.bled||1:16 AM

Saturday, November 5 ho ho ho.camat hari royo.hahah.its hari raya all over again & im listening to chapter 4 by avenged sevenfold.actually i kinda hated them last time.m shadows with his stupid power metal voice & those god damn metal riffs & solos accompanied by my fav punk rock beats.but now??I LOVE EM!!!hahaha.though i dun like the new album city of evil though.its too metal 4 my taste.not hxc ah.hahah.i like hxc.hxc is good 4 your gums. wait.wat the hell did all that about A7X & hxc have to do with raya again??hahaha.random rantings gone loose again.hahaha.juz gt home,well not just but.alah paham2 je lah.hahaha.gt back frm meeting julz,ate kfc tried the fish ole' which was used to be called the big catch way in the retro years of my childhood hahaha,rented charlie & the chocolate factory movie & lepaked at her house.ended up eating again.boy im getting fat.no offence to "plummer" ppl out there.had a big arguiment with julz juz now.hate fighting with her cuz i cant stand not touching & hugging her in my arms.sum ppl,well most,well all ppl dun understand me.julz does.but if she were to give up then i dun see the point of having a life.i might as well confine myself in the hell hole i grew up in.loves. kak aidah & gang came 4 raya.went back yez.was fun to have them along.not 4getting the free transport.hahah.insya'allah kalau ader rezeki i wanna get sumting like abg utehs car 4 my family use.toyota rev4 L.its so smooth on the road.feel like your gliding man.as 4 now im still thinking bout getting a license or not.well see.raya has been quite a drag.noting but the same ol faces & houses we go every single year.k im stumped.dun noe what else to write.julz starting skool next week.ive gt 2 more weeks of vacation.oh & the outing breaking fast with the ol macphersonites was sick.miss them so.although i hoped for more to come.next yr then.saw is at geylang that night.wat a small werld indeed.thanxx 2 ct z 4 her generousity 4 "belanja-ing" us delifrance'.this yr bdk2 senyap jer.tak tau gi klua raya ke tak.haiz.boringz.klah i wana go eat ayam masak merah & watch ALIEN VS PREDATOR!!!!!!!! hahaha.lurve those two iconic creatures of heavenly disasters!!!!muahahaha. "i would rather have you a day in my life. a night.an evening. even if i were to loose you, then to never have you at all." ||my heart.bled||9:34 PM

October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 April 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 June 2006 July 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007

scar.your words

dreaming.a reality

guitar effects pedal les paul guitar a PC < kappa canvas shoe light coloured jeans/pants < new bangle/bracelet ZARA sweater TOPMAN shirt digital camera